


Mating Bond

by ModernBookFae



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 17:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10746849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ModernBookFae/pseuds/ModernBookFae
Summary: The Suriel reveals the mating bond that Nesta shares with Cassian and she is not pleased that he kept her in the dark about it. She thought they were starting to trust each other more, but now Nesta doubts that Cassian sees her capable of being his equal.Nesta goes to Mor to vent her anger and Mor reveals things that has Nesta falling deeper into a pit of unworthiness. How is Nesta going to face Cassian now?





	Mating Bond

Nesta was on a dangerous edge. She stood with her fists ready to train with Mor as Azriel stood nearby to survey the training. At first Rhysand’s third in command and shadowsinger were perplexed as to why Nesta requested they train with her today instead of Cassian.

 

But Nesta didn’t feel like talking. Nor did she owe anyone an explanation.

 

All she wanted was to rid herself of these emotions that threatened to make her crumble. Venting out her feelings with physical force usually helped. Which is why she was currently throwing swings at Mor and deflected each returned hit that was tossed back at her.

 

The two females weren’t quite friends. Not yet at least. They were allies fighting for the same side to defeat Hybern, but there always seemed to tension anytime Cassian entered the room with Nesta and Mor in it.

 

The change in the air crackled as Cassian would look between the two women. As though he was nervous something had been revealed before he arrived. And if that wasn’t awkward enough it became worse when Azriel would sneak into like a wraith in the shadows.

 

It was clear history was between Mor, Cassian and Azriel. And it was more than just a friendship or camaraderie. Nesta felt as though she was toeing around a line that connected the three members of the Inner Circle, yet she had no idea what part she played in this odd dynamic.

 

She was almost too afraid to find out. Whatever tangled relationship that trio shared was something Nesta didn’t want to be part of. Sure she envied their friendship and longed to join in.

 

Though more often then not she found most of her attention being diverted to Cassian. An odd tug in her chest pulled her toward him. Each day she found it harder to resist his easy grins and joke’s that managed to tug a brief smile on Nesta’s lips.

 

Yet when she finally brought up the courage to approach him Mor always seemed to be there with a bright smile that would make even the sun seem dull.

 

That’s how it was. Nesta was a grey cloud compared to the shining light that Mor embodied.

 

It hurt deep in her chest to see Cassian and Mor so close. _Why couldn’t she be like that? Warm and inviting? More like the dreamer of the Night Court or even her own sister Elain?_

 

Except now everything changed. Ever since Nesta stumbled across a trapped Suriel near the edges of the Velaris things had never been the same.

 

The creature had thanked her profusely and made a comment about how Illyrian Commander was lucky to have her as a mate. Nesta was in disbelief at the words coming from that yellow-toothed mouth that smiled in glee when it thought Nesta would appreciate such a compliment.

 

The result was quite the opposite. Especially when the Suriel revealed that Cassian had known for months that they were mates.

 

 _Months._ Months without knowing something so important. All those heated glances and teasing words they exchanged…the trust Nesta thought they had built so strongly was tumbling down. She had told him so much about her past. Revealed things she had never told anybody. All because she thought Cassian was different from everyone else. That he wouldn’t pity her or keep things from her, because they thought she was a weak little girl.

 

Her sorrow and anger choked her throat. Her walls were raised again to defend herself. She knew now that she couldn’t trust anyone with her doubts and worries. And Cassian made it evident that he didn’t trust her with this information.

 

It was suffocating. Her closed in tight around her as a fortress. impenetrable to even Cassian’s concerned gaze when she began avoiding him after she arrived back to the House of Wind.

 

She wondered for days if he would build up the nerve to admit what he had known for so long. Yet he never did. He acted as if nothing had changed. He was all charms and sweet words meant to soften her.

 

But now she saw his grins as false lies and his honeyed compliments turned sour to her ears. She was not soft. She would never be soft like Elain, Mor or any other girl.

 

She was granite and steel. A hardened blade that would never yield to his touch that once made her skin burn with a need she never truly understood.

 

Cassian noticed her distant attitude when she returned from her encounter with the Suriel. She could see the slight confusion in his eyes as their growing friendship reverted back to a time when she loathed him.

 

He let her have space. For a moment Nesta was relieved except deep in her heart she wanted to tug on that bond. It was difficult to be apart for so long despite their seeing each other roaming through the House of Wind. A piece of Nesta’s soul was lost and she didn’t know how to get it back.

 

Perhaps fighting for it would be possible. Nesta understood battle strategies well-enough that she simply needed to release these painful emotions through fists and words.

 

Which led her to this moment when her fae powers rose to the surface and struck Mor in a loud thunderclap that echoed across the training ground underneath a balcony at the House of Wind.

 

Nesta didn’t intend to send Mor that far back. Or perhaps Mor let her strike her, because she knew Nesta needed. But that still didn’t stop the golden haired female from standing up with a livid expression on her face.

 

Mor wiped a smudge of dirt off her face and marched toward Nesta. A determined and pissed off look on her face that made even Azriel stand straighter.

 

“What is wrong with you?” Mor demanded.

 

“Me?” Nesta’s apology died on her lips when Mor’s question made her pause.

 

“Who else would I be talking too?” Mor gestured around them. “The only one I see here who is ready to bring down this mountain with rage is you.”

 

“It’s nothing,” Nesta gave out a tight-lipped response. She wasn’t about to talk about her worries with two of Cassian’s closest friends.

 

“Bullshit,” Mor crossed her arms. “Why can’t you just trust us Nesta? If you just admit what going on- ”

 

Nesta laughed darkly. “Trust? Admit what wrong?” Nesta shook her head. “I don’t need to tell you anything. I’m fine on my own considering the last time I trusted the fae it didn’t end well.” And it resulted in her and Elain being tossed into that damned Cauldron.

 

“You can’t blame us for that,” Mor said. “And honestly speaking out about things that are bothering you can help.”

 

“Oh really?” And Nesta looked at Azriel who walked up to them. “Then maybe we should start with you Mor? Sounds like that should be fair don’t you think?”

 

Mor narrowed her eyes. “I don’t understand what you mean.”

 

Nesta nodded her head to the shadowsinger who now stood beside Mor. “Don’t you think that this little thing going on between you, Azriel and Cassian is a bit confusing?”

 

The area went deathly silent.

 

“Excuse me?” Mor growled softly.

 

“You heard me,” Nesta said. “But maybe you’re deaf as you are blind if you can’t see that what you two are doing is hurting Cassian by being some sort of buffer between you.”

 

“Don’t talk about us as if you understand,” Mor spoke with an edge. “You know nothing.”

 

“Then explain it to me,” Nesta crossed her arms. She was honestly curious about the dynamics between Cassian, Mor and Azriel. How they were closely connected, yet there was some sort of push that kept them each on a delicate balance that threatened their friendship.

 

“Mor-“ Azriel gently reached out with his scarred hand.

 

“No Azriel,” Mor looked at him. “If she wants to know then I’ll tell her.”

 

Azriel looked torn as Mor faced Nesta. Both females in an unwavering stare down.

 

“Cassian and I were together centuries ago,” Mor said.

 

Nesta lifted a brow. Breath stalling in her throat. She had an idea what Mor’s words meant. “So you two…?”

 

“We were intimate,” Mor shrugged as if it made no difference though the heavy weight of her shoulders made it seem as if it was a burden. As though it was a regret in some way. “My virginity was seen as a prize to my people and I was to be forced into an arranged marriage with a male who was abusive to say the least.”

 

“How does Cassian play into this?” Nesta questioned.

 

“I wanted Cassian to be the one who did it. I wanted a choice to decide who I laid with and when I was no longer deemed _valuable_ ,” Mor sneered at the word. “I was able to be free.”

 

Nesta felt torn. Sure she was happy Mor was able to escape the people that tried to chain her, but to know that Cassian and her were far more acquainted than Nesta thought…it unsettled her.

 

“Are you and Cassian…?” Nesta tried to imply though her words felt thick in her mouth. As if they were going to suffocate her.

 

“Oh no!” Mor said with a wave of her hand. “We were only together once and that was enough. Though Cassian has found it irksome that I never looked back afterwards.”

 

And there it was. So Cassian did feel something towards Mor years later.

 

Azriel must have noticed the clouded look over Nesta’s eyes. Or perhaps it was the welling tears that formed in the corners.

 

“Wait.” Azriel smoothly grabbed her arm as Nesta tried to bolt. He wanted to explain that Cassian and Mor held no affection other than friendship. It was Nesta who Cassian longed for. Perhaps since that first day she bared her teeth at him during dinner months ago when she was still human.

 

Before he could get the words out Nesta struggled to free herself from his grasp.

 

All these fae powers and now being mates with someone who was in love with another. Nesta couldn’t handle this. She had never hated her existence more than she did at this second. Her hopes of strengthening her growing friendship and perhaps even tender attachment with Cassian fell to pieces. She believed they were finally making steps toward a future she never thought she could have. A future she never believed she could ever _deserve_.

 

Her thoughts were a storm. Anger. Grief. Self-loathing. All of it ran cold in her veins and threatened to snap her in two.

 

Nesta pried her hand away from Azriel and made to flee. Fighting didn’t help release her emotions. So she did the only thing left that her instincts screamed to do.

 

And in a rush to escape she failed to notice a male gliding down from the sky on scarred wings. An Illyrian who felt the tremors of her emotions and flew to the House of Wind to console his mate from whatever had upset her.

 

The moment Cassian landed he analyzed the scene in front of him. Mor gave him a terse look before placing a hand on Azriel’s shoulder. His shadows trembled and lightened at her touch. Azriel glanced back and a signal between the two was given as Mor winnowed them out of sight in an instant.

 

Nesta blinked at their sudden departure. She stilled as a familiar scent reached her senses. With one last breath to compose herself she put on an mask of indifference to hide her inner self. Another line of defense before she spun around to face the Night Court’s Army Commander.

 

Her mate.

 

Cassian.

 

His eyes were trained on her the moment she turned. Looking deep to find something that he knew Nesta kept bolted shut inside her heart. His eyes softened at whatever he discovered.

 

It infuriated Nesta. How dare he look at her like that. As if he _cared_. As if he understood her better than anyone.

 

Nesta straightened her stance. Ready to face off against what would be perhaps her most grueling battle of wits and sharp words.

 

“Nesta,” Cassian took one step forward prompting Nesta to retreat back. He froze immediately and worry flickered in his eyes.

 

“Don’t come near me,” Nesta whispered though she knew he heard her.

 

A pause. Time stretched before them as the distance between them felt as though it lengthened. Each unsure of where they stood in this delicate balance that was teetering to an edge of either hurt or acceptance.

 

“How could you do this,” Nesta’s voice cracked. “We were – I thought you trusted me. As a friend.” _As something more._ But Nesta didn’t add that part though the way Cassian’s eyes widened a fraction perhaps he could read her better than she imagined.

 

“I do trust you Nesta,” slowly Cassian inched forward. His wings tucked closer behind him so as not to make her uncomfortable at his approach. “You’re my comrade. My equal- ”

 

“You mean your mate,” Nesta interrupted bitterly. Cassian blinked. The only sign of surprise before he nodded.

 

“How did you know?” Cassian asked.

 

“Does it matter? It’s not as if you would ever choose me.” Nesta jerked her face away as tears welled in her eyes. “Not when nobody wants me.”

 

“Sweetheart that’s not true,” Cassian reached her and brought her into his arms. “How could I _not_ want you? You’re the only one I can’t stop thinking about. Ever since that day when I first met you in your home.”

 

Nesta shook her head against his chest. Wet tears falling on his flying leathers.

 

“But you and Mor…don’t you love her?”

 

Cassian chuckled and stroked the back of Nesta’s hair. His fingers soothing her to the point she relaxed against him.

 

“The love I have for Mor is of friendship,” Cassian leaned down to look Nesta in the eye before he continued. His thumb stroked away a wet path that ran down her cheeks. “And the love I have for _you_ is far greater than that. One that can’t be broken and only grows stronger.”

 

Nesta quirked her head slightly. Digesting the words as though she had been starved before she realized what he said.

 

“You love me?” She asked. “As more than a friend?”

 

Cassian nodded and his cheeks flushed a little. “I never wanted to pressure you with my own feelings. With everything happening from preparing to war and you adjusting to your fae powers…I didn’t want to burden you with that knowledge.”

 

The respect and admiration Nesta had toward Cassian grew with his admission. He bore the weight of their bond on his shoulders in silence. Just so Nesta wouldn’t be stressed about what those implications meant.

 

She took a shaky breath and pressed her ear against Cassian’s chest. Listening to his heartbeat in a steady rhythm as she wrapped her arms around his back.

 

“Thank-you Cassian,” she murmured. “But I want you to know that you – _we_ don’t need to hide it anymore.”

 

“We?” Cassian pulled back to study Nesta. Making sure she understood what this would mean.

 

Nesta gave him a smile and immediately Cassian’s world centered on the rarity of that action. Knowing that this smile was for him alone.

 

Cassian couldn’t contain his joy as he spun Nesta around in a joyous whoop with his wings spreading out to encase them both. Shielding the world for privacy when Cassian leaned down to kiss Nesta. And she in turn kissed him back with passion that made them forget about the war and their troubles for a brief and blissful moment.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't be afraid to comment or join in the Nessian ship on [tumblr](http://modernbookfae.tumblr.com)!


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